Onyx Worldwide Part I: Warnings for the Hybrid Traveler
7.7.08


NEWSFLASH -- This article started off as something completely different than the following paragraphs you’ll read. I was supposed to write about my experience and perspective as an African American touring New Zealand .  The details of what I saw, felt, and realized on my 10-day trip will be shared next week in Onyx Cranium’s 1^st Year Anniversary issue.  When I began to write the article, it morphed into a frustrating tirade about my experiences, not just in New Zealand , but in Egypt , and Japan as well.  Frustration about what?  I’m so glad you asked.

When it comes to my limited experience with international travel, I have labeled myself a hybrid traveler.  This has nothing to do with gas conversation or taking trips that don’t contribute to global warming (though I suppose that would be nice or at the very least, responsible).  Hybrid is a reference to my unique method of travel.  People often ask if I ventured to a foreign country by myself or alone. The accurate answer is both.  Because I chose Egypt for my first international destination due its phenomenal man-made historic sites and its location in both Africa and the Middle East , I decided that just going it alone with a Lonely Planet book was – well – unwise.  I found the perfect solution.  I’d go with a tour group to guarantee seeing all of the major sites, stumbling unto lesser known sites, and cruising the Nile (all within 8 days).  But I wouldn’t take anyone with me.  This was my first experience on foreign soil and I wanted to fully observe it without commentary from a friend or family member.  I did the same thing with the same tour company for my next two trips.

Let me say here, that solo travel is phenomenal for those who can fully appreciate it.  It takes a fair amount of self-confidence, planning, and self-love.  Yes, you must really love and enjoy your own company.  To get the most out of it, solo travel also takes a certain amount of intelligence.  When you are the only one truly looking out for yourself, you can’t leave things in hotel rooms, depend on someone else to help you navigate should you become lost, and you must become an expert at listening to your gut since it will often be your only voice of reason.  Yet the payoff is immense.  Even on a semi-organized tour group, you set your own hours and agenda.  You decide every moment of your day and at the drop of a hat can abandon a pre-set schedule to pursue an activity you just heard about the day before. And the best part is that you don’t have to consult a single soul about it.

But there is a dark side to being a hybrid traveler.  Beyond self-confidence, planning, and self-love – you will also need a backbone of steel and some strategy to truly get the “solo” experience amid a group of people who can’t fathom traveling to a foreign country by themselves.  And because they can’t imagine doing it, there’s a part of them that will need to be taught that you can.  Here are five essential tips/warnings for those who may one day find themselves as a hybrid traveler.  School’s In…

1) Depending on your demographic, get comfortable with being a minority several times over – FAST.

I’m a black female and never do I feel more of one than when I travel internationally and alone.  I have always been the only person that fits this description on my tour groups.  This is primarily because Americans don’t travel that much and U.S. born African Americans travel even less than that.  Of course, when we do, we tend to go to Europe .  This is changing as blacks of younger generations go to Africa in increasing numbers.  Still, most American travelers go to the birthplace of our colonizers.  Nothing wrong with this, but Europe is not at the top of my list.  Each place I’ve visited has had fewer black people than the last.  Yet I was prepared for this – sort of.  I didn’t go to Japan or New Zealand looking for black people and I expected to be the first black person that a lot of people met in the flesh, particularly when we ventured to the more remote areas of both countries.

What I hadn’t considered was that I’d be the first black person that members of my American tour group had traveled with or even talked to outside of their respective work places.  People are amazed that a black person (from South Central no less) is traveling alone and questions quickly turn from being about the tour to other issues they’ve always wanted to ask a negro on domestic soil.  This is why I was on a small boat on the Nile and found myself explaining the braiding process to about 27 white people from across the U.S.   (The Egyptians already knew about it.)  Also, since I’m alone and do a lot more listening than talking, I see just how different an experience I have than people who are older than me, a different race than myself, and whose opinion of what they see is immediately shared and processed with a traveling companion rather than being absorbed in silence.  All I’m saying is, I find myself unique not just among locals of other continents, but also among locals of my own.

2) Abandon concern with what others think, for you will be a hero and villain.

This advice sounds a little dramatic, but so are the reactions of people seeing someone traveling without a partner of any kind. Don’t ask me why, but most people are PETRIFIED of being alone in any significant sense of the term.  When it comes to leaving behind the familiar (even on a semi-guided tour), people actually won’t go somewhere they’ve always dreamed of going if they’ll have to do it solo. They do not trust that they’ll enjoy their own company even in a country that they’ve never seen, smelt, heard and touched before.

What does this mean?  When they see someone, particularly a person under the age of 40 who is alone and has no hang-ups about it, they garner an awe and respect for you completely disproportionate to the situation.  Along with the sightseeing, you WILL be the topic of discussion.  They’ll see you taking pictures, talking with locals, and walking off to do things by yourself and marvel that you haven’t broken down and begged a couple on the tour to adopt you until the flight back home.  As they argue over when they’ll eat and whether or not they should sleep in an extra hour, they’ll raise their eyebrows at you jumping off the bus and heading straight to the beach because you don’t have to wait for your hubby who walks a little slower than you.  As the days pass, they’ll wait for you to arrive at breakfast so they can find out what you did yesterday while the larger group went here or there.  Why?  Because you’ll ALWAYS cover more ground solo.  That’s just the way it works.  You’ll also spend more time kickin’ it with the locals and meet more tourists from other countries.  Because you don’t consult anyone about your schedule, you’ll stumble into conversations with shopkeepers and angry locals for hours.  It’s not that this can’t happen when you’re with a group, but people are more honest and open when they’re talking to one person without being observed by anyone else.

And what of being a villain?  People are sensitive.  Let me say this again.  People are SENSITIVE and more than a little self-centered.  My decision to always split off from the group at the drop of a hat or to listen to my IPOD rather than the group banter on the bus inevitably makes several people uncomfortable.  When you refuse people’s company, they take it personally.  They make it about them rather than about you.  They feel that you are standoffish or that you think something is wrong with them.  People admire you for traveling solo, but when you leave them out of consideration of your activities all together, they get just a tad resentful.  This is especially the case if you open up about why you like to travel alone and how you wouldn’t wait to take a trip just to have company.  Some people nod in understanding, but most look a little uncomfortable.  Are you making a veiled statement about them?  The answer is no, but you can’t be concerned with that.  People’s good intentions will ruin your trip if you let them.  I never do.

3) Dine alone out the gate if you want any chance at mealtime privacy.

Dining alone is one of the best things about foreign travel.  You eat whatever you want and try new cuisine without someone asking for immediate feedback on its taste.  It’s also an excellent time to speak to hotel or hostel staff and other travelers about what else you can squeeze into your personal itinerary for the day.  In short, it is both a privilege and a right.  Do NOT let anyone else on the tour take it from you.

Until people believed I was really comfortable traveling with myself, I had to use the newspaper and my belongings to block them from joining me at breakfast.  They figured I must be lonely.  Breakfast was the beginning of the day and often the only full meal I’d eat, so I wanted to savor and enjoy it.  Therefore I rarely sat with the rest of the group.  I always made sure to smile and say hello to them and chitchat when I got food from the buffet, but I parked myself away from the rest of the herd.  They got the message.  I was not hostile, but I was there to enjoy the trip just like them.  Their invasion of my space would be as inconsiderate as me deciding to join a couple on a private tour. 

I once had a particularly nosey tourist ask me why I separated myself from the group.

“I mean, don’t you want to know what everyone else thinks of all the stuff we’re seeing?”

Because I didn’t particularly care for this woman, I gave her a direct answer, “Well, I don’t need to do that at breakfast.  We’re together enough of the time, don’t you think?”

“Well, still, I’d think you’d want to hear what people think of different things we see.”

“I can always turn off my IPOD on the tour bus for that.  But I usually don’t.”

Just remember this, it is MUCH easier to elect joining someone else’s table rather than getting them to elect leaving yours.

4) Seize tour assigned leisure time and when in doubt…scare!

Always take full advantage of free time away from the group.  Keep in mind that as a hybrid traveler, all time is free time.  When you have full days or afternoons that aren’t planned, decide what you want to do without consideration of anyone else.  Photos and memories will be all you have of the trip once you’re back home, so you owe it to yourself and your budget to do exactly what you want to do.  Planning with other people can be an attractive option, but you have more flexibility on your own and can deviate from the schedule whenever you choose.  Take an extra hour in a sacred temple or skip a local show all together in favor of meeting locals at a bar.  You don’t even need to wait until you have a block of unscheduled time.  You can go to the same museum or national monument as everyone else on the group and approach it from a different angle with your physical presence, your camera, and of course, your mind.

There will be times when people get the idea that it’d be better to just tag along with you since you seem to get so much done and stumble onto things that the rest of the group never considered.  If you don’t mind, go for it and spend the day with other people.  I admit that one of my most profound experiences in Japan came from kicking it with a young Indian couple from Okalahoma.  But there are other types who will try to attach themselves to you and ruin what could have been a perfectly breathtaking day of touring.  To avoid the more persistent folk, sometimes a little scare is needed.  An example:

Fellow Tourist:  So what are you going to do tomorrow?

Me:  Oh, this and that.

Fellow Tourist:  Well, we (cause this person will NEVER be alone) figured we might see what you’re doing and tag along with you.

Me:  I’ll be zipping in and out of things pretty fast.  I have a really tight schedule and public transportation in (insert foreign city) can be pretty hairy.

Fellow Tourist:  Oh we can keep up.  That’s fine with us!

Me:  No, I like to do things alone. 

Usually, this will get people to back off (though you’ll be an admired villain again).  But some won’t get it.

Fellow Tourist:  Oh, we won’t be a bother at all.  So what’s on the itinerary?

Me:  Skulls.

Fellow Tourist:  Huh?

Me:  Skulls.

Fellow Tourist:  You mean like at a museum?

Me:  Nope.  I found this guy that deals them.  I want to track him down.

Fellow Tourist (stammering a bit):  Oh, is he a medicine man?

Me:  No.  None of them are.

The next day when they ask about the skulls, you have several options for a response.  You can say you were just kidding or that you went by a souvenir place or even that you changed your mind.  However, if you want a bit of an extra kick to your day, just say in a very calm and even tone.  “Why, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  They’ll never attempt to invite themselves again.

5) Finally, being artistic keeps people away from you and you yourself must stay away from volatile couples.

This last point is a bit of a twofer for the hybrid traveler. One of the most annoying things about being around other people is that they’ll assume you’re like them.  While I know this isn’t just the case with Americans, people from the States have a tendency to do something obnoxious when taking pictures of rare monuments, places, or people.  They insert themselves in the photos.  During my first trip abroad, it was all I could do to keep people from asking me if I wanted to take a picture in front of something.  Why, I wondered, would I come all the way to Egypt to take a picture of myself in front of the Pyramids of Giza or Sphinx rather than a stunning image of the actual monument itself?  Still, my first trip is littered with pictures of me smiling as someone “helps” me by using my camera.  Want to avoid people hounding you as you attempt to take amazing photographs?

Tell them you practice amateur photography.  I’ve also found that when I’m jotting down things in my journal, people leave me be.  I look reflective (usually that’s accurate) and like I shouldn’t be disturbed.  A fellow solo traveler from Papa New Guinea told me that he’s never hounded when he lets people know that he takes pictures, writes, and sketches what he sees. People respect artists and tend to leave them alone.

And finally, there’s the issue of volatile couples.  They do make for interesting observation and if you’re the kind of person who can deal with tension, their arguments will be more amusing than annoying.  The reason you don’t want to get too chummy with them is because after a particularly bad night or episode, guess whom one of them will want to tag along with?  So keep your distance from anyone who looks like they should be in therapy rather than on a boat or a tour bus.

There’s nothing like it.

I hope this helps the few people out there who are considering hybrid travel.  Despite my warnings, I’ve enjoyed every trip I’ve taken.  I also want to state that traveling solo doesn’t make you a superior person, though it is an empowering experiment. There are people who do it in fear and with great reservation.  There are those whose wallets are open, but minds are closed.  These people won’t get a great experience whether they’re on their own or not.  Also, some people just don’t like to be alone and while I think this is unfortunate, it’s not criminal.  No point in going if you’re going to start off already nervous or in agony.  But there are those moments of indescribable joy and just a little bit of pride when you have a moment unshared or untainted by anyone else.  They stick with you and they make travel more than just vacation or entertainment.  You can get these while traveling with someone else, but they don’t come as frequently and then there’s facing fear and realizing that if something happens, you’re all you have.  No, traveling solo doesn’t make you superior.  But if you’re truly down for the adventure that it can be, it can make for a superior experience.  Happy traveling.