Mixed Bag - A Hot Dog in the Park
by L.D. Poston
Walter Willis made his way across the crowded park with quick, deliberate steps. The somewhat loose slacks he wore rustled as his long, slender legs alternated toward what he believed to be his future. It was a hot, July afternoon and he could feel sweat gathering in very non-pubic areas. He looked and felt out of place. As he walked past clumps of chatting families and laughing couples, he saw her and almost stopped in his tracks. This was it. His left hand slid into his pocket and he felt the small ring he’d purchased two weeks ago. It’d taken him six months of concentrated and at times painful scrimping to save up the money to put a down payment on it. Of course it had a diamond. He would not have given her anything less. He was not yet ready to admit to himself the larger truth. She would accept nothing less. Walter was a smart man. Not a genius, but smart. He believed he knew what he wanted and at 24 he and was ready to commit. Actually, he’d been ready at 21 when he was engaged to his high school sweetheart. She died before either of them could reach their 22nd birthday and he’d grieved in a way that made people around him uncomfortable. There was a point when nothing brought him joy.
And now here he was, he thought to himself as he swiftly dropped the ring and walked closer to his girlfriend. She was seated on a blanket with her back to him. He’d met Ellen over a year ago in a bar. After six months of a thrilling relationship and a few hints that neither of them was getting any younger, he’d decided to pop the question. Walter had dressed for the occasion too. He was in the tan suit she favored and was wearing the tan and navy blue tie she’d bought him for their six-month anniversary. His steps became more deliberate as her hair and slender figure grew to their actual size. He’d told no one that today was the day. When he’d picked out the ring, Walter eagerly informed a few friends and his sister of his plans. Each one shot him down with such angry shock that he’d decided to keep the topic to himself. As a man in love, he had no use for their negativity. Of course Ellen was nothing like Ava. No one was like Ava. Walter had abandoned hope of feeling so in tune with a different woman. It was not practical.
When he was right behind her, he squatted down so that his knees framed her waist. He leaned his face into her dark brown hair and let out a muffled, “Hey.” She didn’t immediately reply. Then she moved back so forcefully that he nearly fell.
“Jesus, Walt. Are you trying to scare the shit outta me?”
This was her way, he told himself as he quickly regained his balance and came to sit in front of her on the orange blanket.
“No babe, I have something to ask –“
The look on her face caused him to stop talking. She was already furious.
“What the hell are you doing in a suit? It’s damn near 80 degrees out here!”
He gave a wavering smile. “Yeah, I know it is. But today’s a special day because – “
“Whatever. I’ve given up trying to figure out why you do anything. Get me a hot dog will ya?”
“Yeah, baby in just a second. I have something to ask you before the kids come back.”
The words were barely out of his mouth before he saw the two of them yelling and fighting their way from the playground. Jackals. That’s what he called them in his head, where only he could hear. Eli and Elvis. It was 2008 and Ellen, for all her claims of high white breeding, had a five-year-old named Elvis. As they smacked and slapped each other, they looked more like a three-foot tornado than two brothers. He wished that they were twins. At least if they were the same age, he could get them out of his life at the same time. But Eli was only three and even more of a brute than his dim-witted brother. While Walter would defend Ellen to his friends and family, he didn’t bother to do so with the children.
“Those two are monsters,” his younger sister had said quietly as the entire family watched them take turns smacking what they called the “ass” of Willis' Thanksgiving turkey nearly a year ago.
“I can handle them,” Walter had replied before making his way across the room and getting them to sit down. She was worth it, he’d told himself. But he had no illusions about not liking his future stepchildren.
“I said, I want a hot dog Walt. I’ve been waiting here for an hour. Waiting on you. Just go get it will ya?”
The slightest look of displeasure registered on his face before her return expression shooed it away. She didn’t say the words “Will ya?” She barked them. They did not escape her full lips as a question. He was getting up when the jackals collapsed against their mother.
“Where you going Walt?” Elvis’ questions always sounded surly – as if he was already displeased.
“Baaaaah,” Eli said before letting out a haunting laugh. So he’s a sheep today. Great. The little one still hadn’t said any actual words outside of “Mama” and “Fruit Loops” since Ellen first introduced him as her “miracle baby.” Every other day or so, Eli would make different animal noises. He let out another “Bah” as Walter looked for the hot dog vendor. When, he wondered, would the little bastard get around to impersonating a neutered dog? The kind that have lost just enough of their drive to sit down and shut up.
“Walter’s going to get hot dogs for us,” Ellen said with a smile on her face. He heard her smile, but did not look to see it. He was suddenly unnerved by the thought of looking down on his new family. She tilted her head up and caught his eye. “Two with mustard and ketchup,” she nearly yelled. “You know how I want both of mine.”
“Baaaaaahhhhh!” Eli said and then Elvis joined in. “Baaaaaah!” Great, Walter thought as he wiped sweat from his somewhat slanted forehead, now the older one is willfully digressing. Continuation school here they come!
When Walter returned with two hot dogs covered in mustard and ketchup, one with sour kraut and onions, and another with relish and cheese, he seemed a bit defeated. He leaned down to hand them out, but they were wrenched from his grip within 5 seconds. One of the jackals had scratched him. How many times would that happen, he wondered as he attempted to put himself back in the right frame of mind. He put his hand on the outside of the pocket with the ring and traced it with his sweaty index finger. He would not allow them to change his mind, just like he had not allowed his sister, his friends or a one night stand he’d had three months ago alter the course he was now on. It was a road he considered himself incapable of returning to when Ava hadn’t emerged from her car crash.
He shifted his attention from the zoo animals as they fed and caught the eyes of his bride to be. Yes, Ellen was tough, but she’d had a tough life. She could be crude, but he respected a woman who wasn’t bogged down by the opinions of others. And though he’d never concede it to his mother, Walter knew that their ten year age difference was sometimes an issue. She wasn’t a 34-year-old woman with a 24-year-old’s spirit. No, every single one of the years she’d lived dripped from her wisecracks and shaded her perspective. Walter wondered if perhaps her spirit was that of someone in their mid forties. Still, she’d encouraged him to move out of his two room hovel and it was a good decision. Because it brought financial benefit to her, she’d convinced him to quit his dead end job and get back into computers. He was enjoying his renewed career. And then there was the sex. He had no words for it, only a mild erection when he allowed his mind to wonder back to the time they spent naked and oblivious to the world beyond their bodies. No she wasn’t perfect and no she wasn’t Ava, but he was ready to get back on the track he’d set for himself; the track he’d abandoned by consequence and not choice.
“Babe,” he started.
She gave him a suggestive wink and then proceeded to inhale the sour kraut and onion dog. He watched with sudden unease as her jaws expanded to take in the dripping meat and bread. No sooner had it neatly entered her mouth than she began to munch it down her slender throat. She devoured it in less than 30 seconds. And as she wiped the corners of her mouth with a wrinkled napkin, he saw it. Saw what everyone else saw every time their eyes fell on her delicate frame and cold disposition. She’ll do the same to me, he thought. And just as quickly as the idea entered his mind, it transformed into a fact. No, he knew that she’d do the same to him. His life would become a living hell of crushing expectations, self-destructive children and the kind of brutish and petty arguments that can only be survived with consistent alcohol abuse. Walter understood that at some point being called Walt by this woman would drive him to the brink of violence – the kind he’d studied in college. He was suddenly aware that she was made of stronger material than him. Walter was comprised of superior intellectual material, but hers was the kind that would still be around after a nuclear blast. Ellen would spend decades of their marriage securing him in his coffin and then her grown, mongrel children would stomp the lid shut. There would be no one to defend him. Although she’d probably squeeze out another child if he made it a condition of the marriage, it would do him no good. He couldn’t bring a child into the world with brothers like that waiting for it. No, there would be no other children or distractions of enjoyment outside of steamy, mind numbing sex.
Yes. The sex. An image of her straddling him at an oddly pleasurably angle while her hands secured her balance flashed across his mind. Would he really be one of those men? One of those men who endured hell for sex that served as ice water only to find that one day the temperature of the water had gone up a few degrees. Years later the water would have dried up and dissolved into the blistering furnace of their marriage. He’d be a gonner before he’d actually gone anywhere. And that, as they said, would be that. Walter left Ellen’s now puzzled face and turned his head to the grass where he envisioned a clearly labeled tombstone.
Here lies Walter Ormond Willis.
Suckered Husband
Pummeled Step Father
He chose the road no sane man would travel.
And that made all the difference.
He saw the dismayed and enraged faces of his friends and family. He was pretty sure he’d changed his mind. Was it possible to reverse a decision months in the making in just a few seconds? He didn’t know. And then…she spoke.
“Walt, where the hell is the soda? You can’t expect us to eat in this heat with nothing to drink.”
“Of course not,” he responded calmly as he turned back and looked at her face.
“Well, go get it Sherlock,” she said, giving his ankle a gentle squeeze and squinting in the sun. It was the kind of squeeze that would have made the Walter Willis of two minutes ago look for a secluded spot to take her to while the children amused themselves. The Walter Willis of right now felt nothing but the slight urge to shake her off.
“Get it Sherlock! Get it Sherlock!” Elvis rumbled between ketchupy bites of his hot dog.
“Baaaaaaah” let out Eli before returning to licking his hot dog’s bun.
Jackals, he thought. Only this time, he was meant all three of them.
Walter turned to leave the hot sun, the crowded park, and the family of wolves who’d wondered out of their den in human form. A sense of relief flooded him as he walked toward his car, which happened to be in the same direction as the hot dog vendor.
“Hey Walt!” Ellen yelled out between what sounded like bites of her other hot dog.
He stopped in his tracks, but did not turn around. “Yes,” he offered as a sentence but she interpreted as a question.
“What did you wanna ask me?”
“Oh, that. Nothing,” he yelled over his shoulder.
Her heard her lips smack. “Nothing? After all that fuss? You can really be an idiot sometimes Walt!” He heard her throaty chuckle and a shiver went down his spine.
He nodded and kept walking leisurely until he knew she’d turned back around. “Almost,” he said to himself as he walked past the hot dog vendor. “Almost.”
