The Rundown on Richy Rome
Legal Name: Willard Mitt Romney
Onyx Name: Mitt “Middle Name May Vary” Romney
Most Recently: Governor of Massachusetts: January 2003 – January 2007
Party Affiliation: Republican
Unofficial Sect: Wonder Bread C.R.E.A.M. Business Elite
No Other Major Candidate: Is a member of the LDS Church or as rich.
His Current Tagline:
True Strength for America’s Future
Onyx’s Tagline for Romney:
I’m Rich, Strong and Have Many Male Children: BOW BEFORE ME!
Why He’s a Major Contender: Romney is the wealthiest candidate running and like most accomplished businessmen, leverages debt on a grand scale. In short, he optimizes capitalism and has no personal cap on how much he’s willing to spend to stay in the race.
Personal Image He’s Attempting to Project: A Christian man (Mormon’s consider themselves the “true Christians”) whose tremendous financial success for himself and the state of Massachusetts pales in comparison to his accomplishments as a husband and father.
What We See: Old Mitty Mitt is driven by success for success’ sake. Appearances are everything to this image conscious candidate who does the political equivalent of beating his chest about having five male seeds by a blond woman who knows her way around a kitchen. (Her recipes are posted on his website.)
Political Image He’s Attempting to Project: His “Strategy for a Stronger America” is based on a collection of 11 big issues that will remind the country and the rest of the world how great America is and that it’s always better to be our friend than our foe. His political and economic victories for the citizens of Massachusetts back up his claims.
What We See: This guy has one of the most distorted self-images on the circuit –and that’s saying a LOT in this race. He seems blissfully unaware that he was the governor of a very small, rich, progressive state. Also, many of his “victories” in Massachusetts would now be considered “defeats” since he’s changed his position on so many key agenda items. Finally, Romney’s pitifully simplistic approach to building a “stronger America” is based on fear, rhetoric, intimidation and money. After reading his various “plans,” Romney’s “11 Issues” can be more properly categorized as follows:
I. Blowing Our Economic and Political Wad on Security
- Keeping Americans Safe (That old Republican “balancing act” of less government bureaucracy
with more covert government control of civilian life.)
- Confronting Racial Jihad (Seriously, this is listed as an issue. Apparently it’s only fundamentalist Muslims who are out to get us!)
- Combating Nuclear Terrorism (International rather than domestic.)
- Latin American Allies (Boo Chavez and Castro/ Yay Countries Who Do What We Say)
- Ending Illegal Immigration (He says the expected, but his business acumen shows on this one. Legal immigration for people that can build the economy isn’t ignored. His stance on “sanctuary cities” is convenient for someone who never had to manage a large multi-cultural urban city.)
II. Having Values that Money/Status Can Afford or Cover-Up
- American Culture & Values (This is where he gets real traditional Repub on that ass!)
- Global Economic Competition (He believes he has a leg up on this one due to his experience in business. He knows a lot about the global economy including how to hide money in off shore tax havens and relocating people’s jobs.)
- Ending Energy Dependence (Here he pushes for American Nuclear Power)
III. Cementing the Status Quo (While Appearing to Change It)
- Curbing Federal Spending (He’s gonna be veto-happy just like Bush Jr.!)
- Reducing Healthcare Costs (Uh-huh, sure.)
- Raising the Bar on Education (More No Child Left Behind than you can possibly imagine. Get ready for more tests and fewer spending on schools that need it most.)
Who Will Benefit Most from His Presidential Reign: People who look, live and think exactly as he does. Romney is a polished, smart man whose business connections will continue to help him when he attempts to enact his “strategy”. Think Dick Cheney. He is a candidate for the rich and the ultra rich, entrepreneurs, businesses and religious conservatives with a good chunk of change in their pockets. We admit the military will benefit economically, but his isolationist thinking pushing us into more combat situations’ll wipe that out.
The Best Thing We Can Say About Romney: It appears he loves his family – loves having them campaign for him. Oh and he’s not Giuliani.
The Most Truthful Thing We Can Say About Romney: He lies and calls his previous statements “misrepresentations.” All politicians reverse or waver on key issues, but he literally lies via omission and creative interpretation about anything that isn’t favored by the audience he’s talking to. This man does more backtracking than a wilderness guide. Romney will bring more prosperity to some, but it will come at the price of the disenfranchised. It will also result in further isolation from the rest of the world, particularly progressive Latin America and countries in the Middle East who have the nerve to not follow America’s profit driven instructions. His absence of higher-level government experience coupled with shallow commitment to key issues is a recipe for disaster. Romney could improve America’s bottom line, but not without many more people being lined up at the bottom.
His “Democratic” Features: Tax cuts for the middle class, BUT that comes with much more economic sanctuary for the rich.
His “Republican” Features: Standard Shit: Eliminate abortion without any plan for addressing the root causes of it, less government and sanctions solve everything, and God created Adam and Eve – not Adam and Steve or Amanda and Eva (but he’ll take their tax dollars as well). We won’t even get started on what he wants to do for corporations.
Most Dangerous Element: Geez! There are so many. Guess we’re going to point to his money rules all mindset. Mitt Romney is sanction-happy and that includes international plans for Iran and domestic tampering for cities that are “sanctuaries” for illegal immigrants. (Why, we wonder, would you cut off federal spending in cities that are also “sanctuaries” for the legal poor?) And he’s a bad liar on significant, sweeping issues. We though we were trying to get away from that this election cycle.
Top 5 Reasons That Some Blacks Will Vote for Romney.
- 5) They think he’s the best candidate to run America. (Eyebrow raise.)
- 4) He made them some money as Bain shareholders. (Yeah, right.)
- 3) They are in the ethnic minority and have vast wealth already.
- 2) They’re Mormon. (We hope they at least joined AFTER 1978.)
- 1) Electronic voting machine they used changed their real answer.
Why Onyx Cranium Thinks Blacks Should Vote for Romney: Please! Are you crazy?
Want to Learn More about Mitt Romney? Can’t help you there. Try the internet.
